I had an army but forgot to issue weapons, so I gave up and left to watch a short film…

A girl called Katie walks to her car, stops to get her hand licked by a magical horse. A big white stallion. Mane thick as ice cream, hard as cement. She rubs her hand and fingers deep into his tongue. The look on his face is one of disgust. His eyes are wide and his front legs are over the wire mesh. He tries to get over but cant. She walks away with a mischievous smirk, a knowing, her coat blowing in as the southerly hits. She heads to the other fence. There is a giraffe covered in slogans, graffiti all over his pelt. He turns, his arse in close up. All you can see is his anus as it quivers, you know something is coming. Suddenly, out comes a stream of cartoon flowers, deep coloured daisies swirl out and around our faces.

The applause from the audience is loud and doesn’t stop though no one is clapping. It is a rain storm pelting the window. There is a wedding on with terrorists, there are whispers and plans, a submarine bus with sealed windows, tyres that turn into propellers with snorkels and mirrors that hang from the roof. I squeeze through a line of Italian waiters who all want to squeeze my buttocks and do. I don’t protest, just shimmy and pop my cheeks as I get through to the exit. I grab a few candy canes from the counter, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t unwrap them.